Category Archive Blog

ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

70 Silly Art Journal Prompts for Kids, Teens, and Adults

In my last post, I gave you 55 Art Journal Prompts for Teens, a collection of some of my favorite prompts to use with my clients, as well as for myself. Art journaling can be incredibly therapeutic, and you don’t have to be Picasso to do it. Everyone has some creativity living inside them!

For this post I want to give you some silly art journal prompts, which I also make sure to give to my clients in addition to the more serious ones. It’s important to have fun. It’s important to allow yourself to be silly sometimes. Not everything in therapy (or outside of therapy) has to necessarily have some deep meaning attached to it except for the mere fact that it’s just something fun to do. Seriously, this is an important part of taking care of you. Everyone should make time for play (and I’m not just talking about kids and teenagers right now)!

So here are some of my favorite silly art journal prompts – be sure to definitely give some of these a try!

Silly Art Journal Prompts

  1. Draw you, as an animal, shooting down the moon.
  2. Draw a cat who’s dressed for an interview.
  3. Draw an agitated dog with aggressive body language.
  4. Draw an internet troll.
  5. Draw powerful spirits disguised as kittens.
  6. Draw your dream pet in his pajamas.
  7. Draw a fruity ninja.
  8. Draw a camel surfing the waves.
  9. Combine two animals to create a new one.
  10. Draw a shark eating a cupcake.
  11. Draw a dinosaur at a birthday party.
  12. Draw a horse throwing a horseshoe.
  13. Draw a koala bear sitting on a trash can.
  14. Draw a squirrel roasting a marshmallow around a campfire.
  15. Draw a butterfuly eating a steak.
  16. Draw a cat chasing a dog.
  17. Draw a dog playing ping pong.
  18. Draw your teacher (or boss) eating pizza while dancing.
  19. Draw your teacher (or boss) as a zombie.
  20. Draw yourself with a super power.
  21. Draw yourself as a fairy.
  22. Draw a Pop Tart lifting weights with a cow.
  23. Draw a food eating another food.
  24. Draw a dancing taco wearing a sombrero.
  25. Draw an annoying orange.
  26. Draw a turkey leg eating a turkey sandwich.
  27. Draw a banana in pajamas.
  28. Draw a donut talking to your teacher (your boss).
  29. Draw a garden of lollipops.
  30. Draw an ice cream cone eating a Popsicle.
  31. Draw yourself as a spoiled brat.
  32. Draw a super scary Valentine’s Day card.
  33. Draw a design for a $3 bill.
  34. Draw a pencil sharpener eating something other than a pencil.
  35. Draw a starfish eating a bowl of cereal under the sea.
  36. Draw a pair of scissors running.
  37. Draw your own version of Mount Rushmore.
  38. Draw your teacher (or boss) as a pirate captain.
  39. Draw a battle elf.
  40. Draw a troll riding a unicorn.
  41. Draw what your imaginary friend would look like if we could see them.
  42. Draw a dragon breathing rainbows.
  43. Combine two holidays to make a new one.
  44. Draw the moon fighting the sun over a turkey sandwich.
  45. Draw a crime scene where a donut lost its donut hole.
  46. Draw something really gross.
  47. Draw the moon howling at a wolf.
  48. Draw your name as an animal.
  49. Draw a modest unicorn taking a shower.
  50. Draw your teacher (or boss) in a fight with a small animal.
  51. Draw something from your pet’s point of view.
  52. Draw a dog taking its human for a walk.
  53. Draw the most adorable animal you can imagine.
  54. Draw the most terrifying animal you can imagine.
  55. Draw your teacher (or boss) as an adorable, cuddly animal.
  56. Draw the oldest thing in your refrigerator.
  57. Draw you, getting the last laugh.
  58. Draw your teacher (or boss) as one of Snow White’s dwarves.
  59. Draw a mysterious man in a sharp business suit.
  60. Draw a ballet dancer in a striking pose.
  61. Draw your teacher (or boss) sitting on a bench with a pigeon as they share an ice cream cone.
  62. Draw a shy mouse doing her grocery shopping.
  63. Draw a vampire astronaut.
  64. Draw an unenthusiastic fast food employee.
  65. Draw peanut butter eating a jelly sandwich.
  66. Draw a girl with chocolate skin and cotton candy hair.
  67. Draw a frantic tiger who sees that he’s losing his stripes.
  68. Draw your teacher (or boss) as a Lego figure.
  69. Draw a goldfish driving a racecar.
  70. Draw a snail on a skateboard successfully getting away from a curious puppy.
 
Have fun!
ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

55 Art Journal Prompts for Teens

In counseling children and teenagers, I must tell you that I’ve seen some incredible talent. Some kids are talented musically, some are talented in sports, some are great writers, others are great artists, and some can tell you every country’s capital as though it were as easy as making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. In every kid I’ve ever worked with, I’ve found an amazing amount of creativity flourishing inside them.

creativity (noun) – the use of the imagination or original ideas

Everyone is creative in their own way. Don’t believe me? Those kids who can rattle off facts like it’s nothing to them? They had to use some creativity in order to be able to memorize and remember those facts, such as using mnemonics or using music. You have to be creative in different ways if you play a sport, remembering all the moves and such.

I hear a lot of kids (and adults, especially) tell me that they’re not creative. They think that because someone told them back in second grade that their drawing wasn’t “good enough” that they themselves are not “good enough.” I say those people that told you that don’t know what creativity is. Everyone is creative!

 

There’s something cool about using art in therapy. Please note that while I know some various art therapy techniques, I am not a fully trained or certified art therapist. I do, however, use quite a bit of creative expressive techniques in my work as a therapist. One technique I use to help show people that they are creative and that creative expression is remarkably healing is assigning them to journal. Whether it’s through writing, music, art, or any other creative expressive technique, we can find healing in our lives.

Let me say that you don’t have to be an “artist” to do an art journal. There is no “wrong” way to do art; there is no “bad artist.” Art is an outlet for the thoughts from your soul to your hands and onto paper. For art journaling, you can draw, you can color, you can paint, you can collage… the possibilities are endless. I’ve included in this post some of my favorite art journaling prompts that I use especially with teens (and even adults!). Please note that just because the prompt might say “draw,” doesn’t mean you have to draw. If you’d rather collage or do some other form of creative expression (like knitting or writing or sculpting, etc.), you can still use these prompts! Don’t overthink them. Just let yourself be in the moment and do it. Draw in the dark if you think you’re “not a good artist!” Just let yourself be. Just try it.

55 Art Journal Prompts for Teens

  1. Draw a picture of yourself as something other than a person.
  2. Draw a picture of your family doing something.
  3. My perfect day looks like…
  4. Draw the monster you struggle with (i.e., anxiety as a monster, anger monster, depression monster).
  5. Make a picture of the person you let other people see and a picture of the person you really are.
  6. Draw a picture of how you think others see you.
  7. What makes me unique…
  8. I feel happiest when…
  9. I wish I could…
  10. Draw or paint your emotions.
  11. Create a picture using only colors that calm you.
  12. Create a collage related to a quote that inspires you.
  13. Create a picture of what freedom looks like to you.
  14. Document an experience where you did something you didn’t think you could do.
  15. Draw or collage someone you admire.
  16. Draw a place where you feel safe.
  17. Create a motivational collage.
  18. Create a timeline and journal the most significant moments in your life, with the most important moments highlighted visually.
  19. Create a picture of an important childhood memory. Try to understand why it was so important to you.
  20. Illustrate a fairy tale about yourself. If you could put yourself into a happily ever after situation, what role would you play? How would the story go? Create a visual story that tells the tale.
  21. Create your own coat of arms. Choose symbols that represent your strengths.
  22. Draw a comic strip about a funny moment in your life.
  23. Create a picture for someone else.
  24. Who are the anchors in your life? Make an anchor and decorate it with the people and things that provide you stability and strength.
  25. Make a mind map that is a visual representation of all your thoughts.
  26. Draw your dreams.
  27. What do you need right now at this time in your life? Draw a picture or make a collage depicting this.
  28. Draw or collage a picture showing what you are currently worried about.
  29. What smartphone app would you like to create or see created? Represent this visually.
  30. If magic was real, what spell would you try to learn first?
  31. What problem are you currently grappling with?
  32. Create a picture of what helps you feel better when you’re feeling down.
  33. What is something you really wish you could tell or explain to your family?
  34. What is something you really wish you could tell or explain to the teachers at your school?
  35. What is something you really wish you could tell the other kids at school?
  36. What do you wish would get better?
  37. Draw your superpower (or the superpower you would like to have).
  38. Create a vision board.
  39. What is your good luck charm?
  40. Draw a picture of something that is better broken than whole.
  41. What do you need help with right now?
  42. What question are you afraid to ask?
  43. What people or activities leave you feeling drained?
  44. Create a picture of how you would like your home to feel.
  45. Draw or collage 10 things that make you feel loved.
  46. Design your own logo.
  47. Create a picture depicting what keeps you up at night.
  48. If I really loved myself I would…
  49. I’m afraid people won’t like/love/accept/want me if they knew ____ about me.
  50. If you came across a genie in a bottle who could grant you three wishes of anything at all in the world that you want, except for more wishes, what would you wish for?
  51. Create a picture of what everything would look like if you woke up tomorrow and everything was better.
  52. I think I’m really good at…
  53. Draw a picture of where you would be if you could be anywhere right now.
  54. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
  55. Draw a self-portrait WITHOUT drawing your face (make it symbolic).

There you go. Have fun! 

ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

The Worry Worm Game

Children with anxiety sometimes have a hard time opening up about what they’re worried or anxious about. Enter the worry worms. Worry worms are simply construction (or cardstock) paper worms that look like… well, little worms. I use them in play therapy, but you can easily make your own worms at home and play the worry worm game.

The Game

Worry worms are pretty easy to make. Simply draw or trace a worm onto brown construction paper (or cardstock paper works well too). Make several worms, and cut each of them out. Wa-la! Worry worms! I laminate my worms, simply because this allows me to keep them durable for multiple children to play with.

Next I hide these little guys (the worms) around the room for the child to find. For each worry worm the child finds, they are asked to tell one worried thought they have or have had.

Simple right?

It looks like a game of hide-and-seek to them, but let me tell you what really happens when you play the worry worm game:

  • The child is identifying their worried feelings. This is a huge thing. The mastery of this skill is a major foundation to helping children learn how to cope and regulate their emotions.
  • The child is able to begin tolerating the idea and practice of sharing uncomfortable thoughts out loud because they are motivated by the challenge, reward, and fun of finding the hidden worms.
  • The game itself offers a titrated set of exposures to anxiety producing content that is completed while remaining grounded in the safety of the worm prop.
Have fun playing the worry worm game! Do you have ideas or strategies that you use to help kids talk about their feelings? Please feel free to share in the comments. I’m always looking for new ideas to use in the playroom!

 

ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

78 Free and Low-Cost Reward Ideas for Kids!

Here are 78 of my favorite behavior rewards I’ve used with young children I work with, as well as with my own children. And the best part is that they are all low-cost or free!

  1. Take a walk or hike together
  2. Help a parent make dinner one night
  3. Decorate paper placemats for the kitchen table
  4. Assist mom or dad with a household chore
  5. Go swimming
  6. Have a special art session together
  7. Earn art stuff for creative fun
  8. Scavenger hunt
  9. Bake together
  10. A delicious milkshake
  11. A cup of hot cocoa
  12. Read a book together as a family
  13. Out for ice cream
  14. Get a new book
  15. Earn a printable certificate
  16. New toothbrush or toothpaste
  17. Package of stickers
  18. Choose a dessert to make for dinner one night
  19. 30 minutes of extra TV time
  20. Take a trip to the park
  21. Choose a favorite treat to eat
  22. Choose a game to play
  23. 30 minutes of one-on-one time with mom or dad (play a game, do a puzzle, draw, etc.)
  24. Choose what we will have for dinner one night this week
  25. Trip to the Dollar Tree to pick out a toy or something else of your choice
  26. Stay up 30 (or 15) minutes past your bedtime this weekend
  27. Play on the computer (or other electronic) for 30 (or 15) minutes
  28. Pick your favorite cereal on our next grocery trip
  29. Choose a movie to watch together
  30. No chores for a day
  31. Save the change (give your child your loose change every day for a week so they can save it for a rainy day)
  32. Camp out in the backyard with a parent
  33. Play on the playground
  34. Go with a parent to volunteer at a nursing home for an afternoon (or couple hours)
  35. Mystery grab bag
  36. A trip to the library to select a book
  37. Go fishing with a parent
  38. 30 minutes of special outdoor time with mom or dad
  39. Make a craft together
  40. Earn behavior bucks to save up for a special trip to the Dollar Store
  41. Jump on the bed for 5 minutes
  42. Plan one day’s activities
  43. Choose a special breakfast
  44. Sleep in a different place in the house for one night
  45. Make a fort together and play in it
  46. Go bowling
  47. Slumber party with mom or dad
  48. Play with bubbles
  49. Get out of school (or daycare) one hour (or 30 minutes) early for a special treat with mom or dad
  50. Captain for two hours (let your child be in charge for a set time; no bossiness allowed!)
  51. Help mom or dad clean _____
  52. Pick an activity for the family to do
  53. Make sidewalk chalk art
  54. Make slime together
  55. Make play dough together
  56. Buy new play dough
  57. Trip to the pet store to see the animals
  58. Put a model together with mom or dad (such as a model car)
  59. Feed the family pet
  60. Take pictures (then have mom or dad help you print them out)
  61. Color together
  62. Play a video game or computer game together
  63. Decorate your own room
  64. A special after-school snack
  65. Order a pizza
  66. Decorate a room for a holiday (it doesn’t necessarily have to be Christmastime)
  67. Go to a ballgame
  68. Go ice skating
  69. Go roller skating
  70. Chew bubble gum
  71. Set the table
  72. Go for a bike ride together
  73. Popcorn party
  74. Pajama day (wear pajamas all day)
  75. Outdoor water fun
  76. Have a water fight (with balloons or waterguns)
  77. Family kickball or baseball game (or other sport)
  78. Take a nap together
ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

Dinner Time Conversations with Kids

Dinner time conversations can be hard, especially when you have a child who doesn’t like to talk much when you ask things like, “How was school?” or “What did you do at school today?” This would be my child. The one who would rather eat brussel sprouts than to answer questions about his day at school. Now that my own child has been in school for several years, I’ve learned the trick to getting him to talk more about his day is to initiate a conversation about something else first – something they really don’t mind talking about. Even though my child doesn’t necessarily come right out and talk about his day after I do talk about something else, it does seem to increase the likelihood that at some point that day, I get some information about how his school day was.

Here are 39 of my favorite questions to ask my own children. Hope they help initiate more conversation in your home too!

Random Questions

  1. What is your favorite toy?
  2. Who is your favorite superhero?
  3. Who would you say is your best friend?
  4. Who do you not particularly like to play with?
  5. If you had to choose between reading, writing, or drawing, which would you choose, and why?
  6. Would you rather read a book or article from a tablet or from hard print (a hard copy of a book or newspaper)?
  7. Would you eat the gum from under a picnic table bench for $50.00? (Or How much money would it take for you to eat gum from under a picnic table bench?)
  8. What is your favorite thing to do at the park and/or on a playground?
  9. Would you rather go on a swing that does flips or a slide that never ends?
  10. If you could be granted three wishes and you could wish for anything that you want except for more wishes, what would you wish for?
  11. What is your idea of a “perfect day?”
  12. What is your most embarrassing moment?
  13. What is your favorite game/videogame? Why? (Bonus: Ask your child to show you how to play said game/videogame.)

Questions About School

  1. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch at school?
  2. What is the worst lunch you’ve ever had at school?
  3. Who is your favorite teacher?
  4. What is your favorite subject?
  5. What is your least favorite subject?
  6. What do you think should happen to a kid that gets caught cheating in school?
  7. What is your favorite thing to do at recess, and why?
  8. What would you like to do or be when you get older? Why?
  9. What do you think is the most boring thing about school?
  10. What do you think is the best part about school?
  11. What is the worst part about school?
  12. What is the craziest or funniest thing your friend has ever done in school?
  13. What teacher seems to really “get you?” What teacher doesn’t?

Questions About the Home and/or Family

  1. What is the nicest thing your sibling has ever done for you?
  2. What is the nicest thing you have ever done for your sibling?
  3. What is the nicest thing your parents/caregivers have ever done for you, in your opinion?
  4. What is your favorite meal?
  5. What is your least favorite meal?
  6. What is your favorite thing to do at home?
  7. What is your favorite thing to do with your mom? Your dad?
  8. What is your favorite thing to do with your sibling?
  9. What do you think you most need from your parents?
  10. If you could go anywhere for a two-week vacation, where would you want to go? Why?
  11. What is the most embarrassing thing your parents have ever done in public in front of you?
  12. What is your least favorite chore and/or rule in this house?
  13. What is the most embarrassing thing your sibling has ever done in public with you there?
ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

“The Real Game of Life:” A Printable Life Skills Game for Teens

Life skills don’t come particularly easily to everyone. Some teens and young adults, especially those with special needs, have quite a bit of difficulty learning some of the skills they need as they transition into adulthood.

I created the following game – “The Real Game of Life” – for teens to help teach some of the basic life skills that many people take for granted, all the while reinforcing good decision making skills (because, hey, in the real game of life, we’re all forced to make decisions). The game is meant for at least two players, though a couple others may join to play the game too. It is helpful for at least one player to be someone who knows the basic life skills that the cards address, or at least have someone close by on the sidelines in case there are any questions, as well as to judge whether the answers given are adequate or correct.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

The Real Game of Life

Preparation

Materials needed to make “The Real Game of Life” include:
  • Printable “The Real Game of Life” cards, laminated for durability and cut apart
  • Twister game mat
  • 1-2 beanbags
  • Masking tape, optional
Here’s how to prepare and play the game:
Print “The Real Game of Life” cards and laminate and cut each of the cards apart. Then find a Twister game mat. You may have an old game of Twister at home somewhere that no one has played for several years; if not, you can still find the game affordably priced at most department stores. After attaining the Twister game mat, lay the mat out flat on the floor.
Next you will need to place one card on each circle of the game mat, face down. The extra game cards should be placed in a separate pile, easily accessible but away from the game mat. Then assign each column of circles with a point value; if you wish, you can label the columns with their point values on index cards. For instance, column one of the game mat might be worth one point; column two can be worth two points; and so on. Another option is to assign each colored circle with a different point value, with a range of possible scores from one to five. (Obviously, if you choose this option, you’ll want to somehow label the various circles with the points a player can earn if they land on that circle.)
Next, designate a line away from the mat from which to throw the beanbag from. One beanbag is sufficient for the game, though if you happen to have more beanbags, you can give each player his own to use. Designating the line with a line of masking tape could prove beneficial.

Game Play

Decide which player will go first. Each player then takes turns throwing a beanbag onto the mat, aiming for a color circle with a card placed on top of it. If the player lands on a circle with a card, he reads and answers the question card aloud. If the beanbag lands on a white area, the player loses his opportunity to answer a question and earn points until his next turn.
If the player’s answer is adequate or correct, based on the therapist’s opinion (or the opinion of another person knowledgable about the life skills addressed), and requires little or no help, he earns the number of points designated to tht column (or circle) in which his beanbag landed. Then the card is subsequently removed from the game mat. If the player’s answer is not thought to be correct, he is to turn the game card back over so it can be answered later when someone lands on that circle.
If a beanbag lands on a circle that has already had its card removed, no question is asked nor any points earned for that turn, and it then becomes the next player’s turn.
If a player reads the question he draws from the mat aloud and decides that he cannot answer it adequately, he has three opportunities per game to lay the card back onto its designated circle and instead choose from the separate deck of game cards. If that question is answered correctly, the player earns the same number of points for which he would have earned had he answered the original question he landed on from the game mat.
The game ends once all the questions from the mat have been answered. The player with the most points at the end is declared the winner.
For a printable pdf version of “The Real Game of Life’s” instructions, as well as for the printable game questions, look and click below.
Hope you enjoy the game!

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

Good Behavior Jars

I have a confession. I’m human. I work with lots of kids and families, but I’ll be the first to admit that I am NOT a perfect parent. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed, sometimes I am too strict, sometimes I’m too lenient. Sometimes I even raise my voice (okay, sometimes I even yell). The truth is, some days I just don’t feel like being a parent, and that makes it awfully hard when you know that you still have to be, regardless of whether you feel like it or not.

Sometimes I get caught up in making sure my kids know what they “should” be doing or what they’re doing wrong, trying to make them responsible and raise them to be good, decent human beings. Sometimes I forget to tell them all the great things they’re doing right, because believe me, regardless of how tough the day’s been, they’re doing A LOT of stuff right too.

Realizing this, I came up with an idea (because I’m a problem solver). I needed something to help me remember to let them know that they’re doing some really great things, and I needed a reminder for myself to stop focusing on the misbehavior so much and start focusing on all the ways my kids are actually really awesome. By doing this, it’s actually a pretty neat strategy to get more positive behaviors from your children. It also helps your kids to start thinking more positively about themselves – and to realize that hey, you were paying attention after all.

Good Behavior Jars

In all my years of training and experience, I’ve learned to emphasize “Catch Them Being Good.” That’s the idea behind my idea: making Good Behavior Jars for my own children. I was afraid my own kids weren’t hearing enough of what they we’re doing “right,” and maybe too much more about what I thought they were doing “wrong.”

So I found two mason jars (because I have two children), and I labeled each with my children’s names. Each night (or early morning), I write them little notes about how proud I am of them or examples of things I caught them doing that I thought were really great that day (or the day before). Then I slip the notes in their own individual jars and let them open them in the morning so they can know that I really did see those good things! If you’re like me and have a child who can’t read yet, this is a great opportunity to sit and read the notes together. (Actually, it’s pretty cool to read the notes together with your older kids too!)

Sometimes when I sit down to start writing, I think I’ll only be writing a couple notes, particularly when we’ve had a particularly rough day, but more often than not, I find that once I start writing, I can’t stop remembering all the great things they did do! Some things I caught in the moment, and most things I didn’t realize in the midst of our rough day.

Here are some examples of the notes I’ve left my own kids:

The notes cheer me up, and more importantly, they help my kids know that they are doing some pretty amazing things (some that they themselves may not have even realized). The ten or fewer minutes I take to write these notes each day helps them think more positively about themselves and actually promotes an increase in positive behaviors throughout the day! Now I’m not saying that this is a miracle cure for those rough days. Rough days are normal. You’re going to have them. You’re human! Your kids are human! But if nothing else, the jars sure help me to remember to focus more on what they’re doing right and to help them know that I noticed. And ask any kid, that’s a pretty big thing in itself.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

What is Play Therapy?

“Play therapy is based on the fact that play is the child’s natural medium of self expression. It is an opportunity which is given to the child to ‘play out’ his feelings and problems just as, in certain types of adult therapy, an individual ‘talks out’ his difficulties.”  – Virginia Axline, “Play Therapy”

Sigmund Freud believed he could understand children by watching them play. He was right. According to the Association for Play Therapy’s website, play is the child’s language. Play:
  • Is fun; it’s enjoyable.
  • Elevates our spirits; it brightens our outlook on life.
  • Expands self-expression, self-knowledge, self-actualization, and self-efficacy.
  • Relieves stress and boredom.
  • Helps us connect to people in a positive way.
  • Stimulates creative thinking and exploration.
  • Regulates our emotions.
  • Boosts our ego.
  • Allows us to practice skills and roles needed for survival.
  • Fosters learning and development.

Photo courtesy of pixabay.com

Play therapy is the child’s mode of communication, for sharing his world, his inner thoughts and feelings, and the meanings that he makes of his experiences of the world. It’s the child’s opportunity to communicate what he can’t as easily put into words. It is child-to-self communication, similar to the way that many adults go over and over a topic that’s bothering them when working with a therapist – in ways that they won’t when thinking about it alone, even if they’re doing it “all the time.” Specially trained mental health professionals use play therapy to help kids express what’s troubling them when they may not have the verbal language to express their thoughts and how they’re feeling. It builds on the natural way that kids learn about themselves and their relationships with the world around them.
The Association for Play Therapy defines play therapy as “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychological difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development.”
In adult therapy, the counselor’s listening and empathic responses help the client work through their problems and gain insight. In play therapy (particularly Child-Centered Play Therapy, or CCPT), with the counselor’s attentive tracking and empathic responses, kids work all the way through their own repetitive, unproductive loops to reach new understandings of their experience, and new decisions of who they want to be and how they want to behave.
Play therapy is used to help kids cope with different emotions and find solutions to problems. By confronting their problems in this setting, kids are able to find healthier solutions.

Who Benefits from Play Therapy?

Everyone can benefit from play therapy, including teenagers and adults! It is especially appropriate for children between the ages of 3 and 12. Play therapy is identified as the treatment of choice in mental health, school, agency, developmental, hospital, residential, and recreational settings with clients of all ages, according to the Association for Play Therapy. As is the case with most therapy modalities used in treating children, it is most effective when a parent/caregiver is also actively involved in the child’s treatment; kids and families heal faster when they work together. The therapist will decide how and when to involve some or all of the child’s family members. At minimum, the therapist will want to communicate regularly with the child’s caregivers to develop an appropriate treatment plan, as well as to identify and monitor progress.

Photo courtesy of pixabay.com

What Issues and Concerns Does Play Therapy Help?

Play therapy is often utilized as the primary intervention or as an adjunctive therapy for multiple social, emotional, and behavioral disorders, including (but not limited to):
  • Anxiety disorders
  • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
  • Depressive disorders
  • Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
  • Autism Spectrum Disorder
  • Oppositional Defiant and Conduct Disorders
  • Anger management
  • Trauma
  • Grief and loss
  • Divorce and family dissolution
  • Academic and/or learning difficulties
  • Social developmental difficulties

How Long is a Play Therapy Session?

Play therapy sessions generally last for 30-50 minutes. For most school-aged children, I frequently allow for 45 minutes per session, once a week. The length of a session is dependent, however, not only on the age of the child, but additional factors as well, such as the child’s attention span and developmental level.
On average, it may take approximately 20 sessions of play therapy before treatment is deemed to be complete. However, this also varies from child to child. Some children require fewer sessions, while more serious or ongoing issues may require more. I ask parents and caregivers to be patient; it may seem sometimes as though all we’re doing is “playing,” but in reality, the child is hard at work.

Photo courtesy of pixabay.com

Who Can Provide Play Therapy?

While many trained clinicians sometimes utilize play techniques in their sessions, the practice of true play therapy requires extensive specialized education, training, and experience. A licensed mental health professional with a Master’s or Doctorate degree must receive advanced, specialized training, experience, and supervision in order to be credentialed by the Association for Play Therapy as a Registered Play Therapist (RPT), Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor (RPT-S), or School-Based Registered Play Therapist (SB-RPT).
I am currently in the process of becoming a Registered Play Therapist (and have been for some time now). This means that I am permitted to practice play therapy while completing my training and required hours of experience while under the supervision of a RPT-S. If you’re interested in play therapy for your child (or even for yourself!), please contact Creative Resilience Counseling at 304-292-4050 or by contacting me on the website’s Contact page. I look forward to working with you and your child!
For more information about play therapy, check out the Association for Play Therapy’s website!
ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

Hostile Aggressive Parenting

I don’t think it’s a big secret to most people that the type of discipline you use in your parenting can have a dramatic effect on your child’s development.

In general, most researchers recognize four main types of parenting styles, and each parenting style uses a different approach to discipline. These four primary styles include authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting, permissive parenting, and uninvolved (or neglectful) parenting. There is another style of parenting, however, that many people aren’t aware of: Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP).

Have you ever heard of it? Most of those who do have knowledge of HAP will tell you that they wish they didn’t because it’s frequently deeply connected with parental alienation. Is it possible that you’re an offender and don’t realize it? Or maybe you know someone guilty of practicing this type of parenting. High conflict families come from ALL socio-economic statuses, as does HAP. Spousal conflict is normal and an expected part of divorce. However, when one or both parents allow the conflict to become excessive, the impact on the children is harmful and destructive.

The inabilty of the parents (or caregivers) to contain and manage their conflict, for the benefit of the children, is an expression of psychological immaturity on one or both parents and shows an inabiity to manage and regulate one’s own emotions. It also represents a profound failure of parental empathy for the kids’ experience.

So, what exactly is Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP)?

photo courtesy of pixabay.com

 

Hostile Aggressive Parenting, which you’ll often find shortened to HAP, is most commonly defined as “a general pattern of behavior, manipulation, actions or decision-making of a person (usually a parent or guardian) that either directly or indirectly:
  1. Creates undue difficulties and interference in the relationship of a child with another person (usually a parent or guardian) involved with the parenting and/or rearing the child and/or,
  2. Promotes or maintains an unwarranted unfairness or inequality in the parenting arrangements between a child’s parents and/or guardians and/or,
  3. Promotes ongoing and unnecessary conflict between parents and/or guardians which adversely affects the parenting, well-being and rearing of a child.”
HAP is not limited to just biological parents. Grandparents, step-parents, and other child guardians can also exhibit this type of parenting style. Hostile Aggressive Parenting is considered to be a very serious and damaging form of abuse and maltreatment – contrary to what is in the best interest of any child. The overall goal of HAP is to SEVERELY DAMAGE a child’s relationship with his or her other parent of to GET THEM COMPLETELY OUT of the child’s life.

photo courtesy of pixabay.com

Hostile Aggressive Parenting may be seen in cases of high-conflict custody; it is also frequently found in cases of parental alienation. Please note, however, the presence of HAP does not always mean that the existence of parental alienation exists in a case. While this type of parenting may present as a precursor to incidences of parental alienation, it’s incorrect to assume that HAP’s presence guarantees without a doubt that parental alienation is also occurring.
Before we continue, consider looking at the below symptoms as though they set on a continuum. Some things, by themselves anyway, may not seem so bad, while other symptoms are quite extreme. When you lump a number of these experiences together, however, there is most definitely a problem.
  • Badmouthing the other parent in front of the child
  • Interfering with phone communication between the child and the other parent (this can include saying things like, “My phone wasn’t charged when you called,” and other excuses)
  • Not letting the child speak for themselves, never actually hearing anything from the child, only from the “campaigning” parent
  • Undermining the other parent’s authority
  • Playing on the child’s feelings of guilt and sympathy
  • Being very uncooperative when making summer and holiday schedules (or any type of scheduling)
  • Intentionally not involving the other parent in school/daycare (such as not giving the other parent school information or signing the child up for something without telling the other parent)
  • Choosing a third party over the other parent to care for the child in instances where one cannot care for the child him or herself (e.g., refusing to let the other parent care for the child when you have to work and instead choosing to have a neighbor or babysitter care for them instead, even though the other parent is willing, capable, and available) – Please note that this situation does not necessarily apply so much to having willing extended relatives, such as grandparents, watch the child during such a time.
  • Refusing to be flexible (e.g., “I said 4:00, not 4:15!”)
  • Discarding or selling gifts given to the child by the other parent
  • Refusing to participate in activities that the other parent is attending
  • Refusing to meet with the other parent and other professionals
  • Threatening the child with the loss of their love (This may not be said out loud, but it is exhibited by the child getting rewarded for disdain shown toward the other parent.)
  • Having the child spy on the other parent
  • Creating conflict with the child once he returns to their home and then laying blame on the other parent (saying the child’s upset behavior is due to the visitation)
  • Openly violating court orders
  • Fabricating false physical or sexual abuse allegations
  • Not allowing the child communication with the other parent, even on special occasions
  • Speaking negatively about the other parent to the child’s friends, those parents, coaches, schools, etc.
  • Changing the child’s last name
  • Having the child call the other parent by their first name
  • Intense verbal/physical abuse toward the other parent, in front of the child
  • Abduction
  • Rejecting mail from the other parent
  • Interrogating the child after their time with the other parent
  • Encouraging the child to write a nasty letter to the other parent (or even to the judge)
  • Encouraging the child to engage in criminal activity (such as stealing something from the other parent)
  • Instigating and promoting a campaign of denigration against the other parent (“I’m going to destroy you at all costs.”)

 

And how does this affect the child victims?

photo courtesy of pixabay.com

Possible Long-Term Effects of HAP on Children

  • Depression
  • Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
  • Acting out
  • Manipulation
  • Grades decline
  • Physical/somatic complaints
  • Unable to resolve future conflict
  • Difficulties with future relationships
  • Anxiety
  • Stress
  • Lying
  • Fear
  • Inattention
  • Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  • Self-harm
  • Suicidal ideation
  • Peer conflict
  • Truancy

 

Is there help for these parents and caregivers?

The good news? Yes. The bad news? It can be difficult to convince a parent or caregiver who exhibits this type of parenting style to engage in the help that’s out there.
One very helpful strategy to help these parents (or other caregivers) is to participate in what’s called “co-parenting sessions” with the other parent. In co-parenting sessions, a trained counselor can help the parents/caregivers resolve entrenched parental conflict. A skilled counselor will address and confront underlying issues such as grief, anger, revenge, and parental manipulation. They can teach self-care and resilience strategies to both parties, as well as non-hostile communication skills and conflict resolution strategies. In other words, they teach HEALTHY co-parenting techniques.
It’s important that parents and caregivers who are interested in co-parenting sessions find a trained and skilled Co-Parenting Counselor or a Parenting Coordinator. Often practicing something called family restructuring therapy or other family-focused interventions, these people are trained to best collaborate with caregivers as well as with outside systems such as attorneys, schools, social services, etc. Co-Parenting Counselors and Parent Coordinators are excellent alternative dispute resolution specialists who can help co-parents (and/or others) resolve conflict outside of courtroom. They are experienced in assisting with high conflict family cases. They also work directly with the children, to help identify what really is in their best interest.
Working with parents and caregivers who exhibit HAP requires patience. There are no quick fixes. Absent abuse or neglect or other extenuating factors, Co-Parenting Counselors and Parenting Coordinators assume that kids should have contact with BOTH PARENTS.
Want more information on HAP and parent coordination/co-parenting counseling?
Check these out; they’re amazing resources:
ByStacy Garcia, MA, LPC, NCC

What Happened to My Sweet Kid?! Little Monster Psychology

Take a minute and think about your child. Picture that excitement in their face right after they learn that their team won that first t-ball game. Can you see that surprised look on their face on Christmas morning when they get that much longed-for gift? Look at their face. Aren’t they the sweetest things ever? Their big round eyes, those long, beautiful eyelashes, that precious little nose, and those sweet lips that kiss your cheek every night before they fall fast asleep in their bed. Look at them. See how sweet they look while they’re fast asleep? And when they wake up so pleasant and well rested every morning and smile at you as they brush their teeth and get ready for school (without even having to be asked!), can you see them?

pic attributed to pixabay.com

Wait. What?

 Okay, so maybe you were able to visualize just how sweet they look once they’re asleep… assuming that you’re one of the lucky ones who has a child who sleeps. And I bet you can see how precious their face looks when they’re happy and content. But did I lose you at the end? Yeah, that may have been a little fiction I stuck in there. At least for many of us parents, that last part – the waking up so pleasant and smiling as they go about their morning routine – is a pretty rare scene.
My own kid is not quite so pleasant to wake up. He moans and groans and asks me for the billionth time why he has to go to school. Then he rolls over, pretending like this hasn’t been the routine for years now. He mumbles and grunts to himself as he gets dressed and eats his breakfast. And as far as brushing his teeth… Some days that takes some real work. He’ll do it, but he decided a long time ago that he doesn’t have to be happy about it. As for after school, some days are less than fun for either of us. There’s homework to be done, practice to go to, and there are baths to take. Some days he does all of this willingly and with little complaint. Then there are the days where he’s grumpy for one reason or another, and that’s when the fun begins. He wants something or he wants to go somewhere, and well, the answer just can’t always be yes. And then…
But wait, weren’t they just babies yesterday? They were so sweet. Remember when they wanted to cuddle with you? Remember those little kisses on your cheek and how innocent they seemed. And then you think about this day that you’re having now. The one where your child asked you to buy them something beyond expensive or wanted to hang out with that kid from down the street that likes to swear at everyone and smokes cigarettes when he thinks no one is looking. And you say no. Then all of a sudden, they don’t seem so pleasant and sweet. They seem… almost like a monster. WHY?!!

Little Monster Psychology

pic attributed to pixabay.com

 

In each developmental phase, kids wrestle with new skills and abilities, and these are some real struggles for them. Assuming the phase goes well, after a period of intense struggle and effort, finally a breakthrough occurs. A personal victory that changes everything. The child discards his old way of doing things and determines to keep moving forward.
Each time your child masters a new skill, be it learning how to use a spoon by himself or learning how to drive a car, he makes a leap in maturity. And he loves this feeling of mastery; it’s a rush of confidence in his own abilities. He is now stronger and more powerful. And we as parents are right there cheering them on, we’re so proud of them! This parental applause motivates them to keep striving for more mastery. To keep moving forward.
Here’s the thing though. That drive for independence, the one each and every child (and person, in general) holds within them… Well, it promotes conflict too. With mastery comes a yearning for more independence. In other words, kids will begin to reject their parent’s support. Imagine the baby who has just learned how to use the spoon by herself. Then you, the parent, try helping her use the spoon one day when you see that she could probably use a little assistance. The baby doesn’t want your help though and swats your hand away. And the more you try to help, the madder she gets.
To complicate all of this, inexperience and impulsivity play in to this drive for greater independence. Kids don’t know their limits. They don’t always know what’s good for them and what’s not. They aren’t sure when to stop and when to go. The thing they do know though is that they don’t want their parents hovering over them every step of the way. This means that eventually every parent has the unpopular job of going against their kid’s will.
Let me repeat that. EVERY PARENT has the unpopular job of going against their kid’s will, at least sometimes (and usually more often than that).
Here’s something else that’s pretty important. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to be a good parent without saying no from time to time.
So the battle of wills begins. You see, kids don’t really like hearing the word no. Do you? Kids are perplexed when they’re prevented from getting what they want. “What? Why are you doing this to me?! Can’t you see…?”
They don’t understand that we’re protecting them. To them, it feels like restraint, and they don’t like it. Not. One. Bit.
It’s actually human nature to rebel against restrictions, and no kid wants a parent standing between them and what they want. Yes, nature puts kids and their parents on a collision course. That’s why, eventually, all healthy kids must enter into battle with their parents. This fight is natural and necessary. It’s how kids can begin to define themselves as different from their parents.
That’s right. Kids have their own wants and needs, their own interests; if kids are too accommodating or compliant with their parents, they will grow to lack confidence and self-definition in life. In every developmental stage, kids instinctively battle against their parents’ restrictions. And as parents impose their will on their kids, sparks fly. These clashes are unavoidable and an IMPORTANT part of parenting.

pic attributed to pixabay.com

Now we as parents enter into a crucial moment after we set a restriction for our child. The child will see how far he can push his parents and give him what he wants. It’s his will against theirs. It’s up to us, the parent, to decide what we’re going to do at this point: stay firm and refuse to give in to demands, or concede to the child’s demands. Sometimes the choice is an easy one, such as one where we are trying to protect them from a potentially dangerous situation. Sometimes the choice is more difficult to make. Should we give in? Should we negotiate? Not all choices are black and white, but it’s up to us as parents to do our best to help our children and protect them. It’s up to us to help our “little monsters.”
Skip to toolbar